The first step to change is insight. You can’t change what you cannot see. While some people are more self-aware than others, we all have behaviours and patterns that we are blind to. Coming to terms with and shining light on new insights into your personality isn’t easy, and can invoke vulnerability. However, it is this discomfort that leads to change and increased self-esteem. This love link is all about developing your personal power through self-reflection and accountability. 

This chapter focuses in on your attachment and relationship styles, and how they influence how secure you feel in your relationships – and how they can change over time depending on your relationship. Attachment styles have been widely spoken about in recent years and are commonly referenced on social media. If you haven’t heard about them, don’t worry – we provide a brief summary in this chapter. In general, couples who have a rocky foundation or a vague concept of boundaries in their relationship are more likely to experience personal and couple attachment distress. The Couples Base Camp link is your guide to setting agreed underlying foundations and flexible principles for your relationship so you can have a greater sense of trust and safety to be your authentic self. 

Humans need to feel understood, seen and heard. They need validation. This is a basic human need. People tend to overestimate how good they are at listening and validating their partners, perhaps because they are good at this skill at work, or with other family members and friends. In this chapter, we dive into how to attune to and validate your partner while improving your emotional intelligence and ability to recognise, understand and navigate your own emotions.

Small moments are powerful and are occurring all the time between you and your partner. If the sum of your small moments is positive, you will have a good relationship. However, the opposite is also true. If your daily interactions are too negative or neutral, they will compound and lead to disconnection. In this chapter, we outline how to create a habit of small magic moments that can compound to bring more joy into your relationship.

We’re sure it will not be news to you that one of the biggest reasons relationships fail is conflict. Conflict is complicated and we are not going to pretend otherwise. That’s why this chapter is huge and you should take your time reading and digesting it. The good news is, however, that you can learn to navigate conflict. Conflict is inevitable and can be a positive tension point to ensure continued growth for both of you in your relationship. So strap yourself in, because you are about to learn mind-blowing insights and strategies that will change the way you look at yourself and your relationship forever. In this chapter, we share the secrets and strategies we have learnt over decades of clinical practice to help you break negative patterns and instil new healthy strategies to bring more harmony and less stress to your relationship.

This love link explores the necessary bonds and couples growth that is required to build a lasting relationship across the lifespan. We are sure you have heard that it is important to have quality time with your partner. But how exactly do you do this? And what are the obstacles and patterns of behaviour that either block or promote deep connections? In this chapter, we provide pragmatic strategies to bring a closeness to your relationship. This can increase the value of your relationship, bringing security and companionship as you move through the journey of life and love together.

In this chapter, we help you go deep within yourself to understand your vulnerabilities. It might get uncomfortable, but it will be worth it. Each partner brings to the relationship their own vulnerabilities and insecurities. As these emerge within the relationship context, they cause tension and disconnection. The way forward for self-healing is together-healing. Through following the strategies in this chapter, you can learn insights into the vulnerabilities of you and your partner. You can also learn how to name these vulnerabilities and strategies to heal them together, fostering trust and care.

This chapter is an invitation to embark on a journey of self-discovery and mutual exploration as sexual partners. This eighth love link is about increasing sex and desire in your relationship. We outline ways to reignite the flames of desire and break unhelpful dynamics and myths that can stifle your sex life. We shine a light on your sexual connection and its evolution throughout your relationship. We explore the interplay of emotions and sexual intimacy, and examine how attraction, communication and relationship connection form a foundation for a fulfilling and lasting sexual connection.