The do’s and don’ts of travelling with your partner and another couple

Travelling as a couple with another couple offers plenty of exciting opportunities for fun and adventure. Having other people on your vacation can spice things up a little, add interest and diversity to your conversations, provide you with new ideas of what to see and do while travelling and also give you some needed space from your partner at times. However, it can also go terribly wrong. There is the risk of damaging the friendship you have with the couple as travelling with anyone can place pressure on that relationship. Sides of your friends and their relationship you may have never encountered before may show up which have the potential to be uncomfortable and awkward. And more importantly, travelling with your partner with others has the risk of putting your own relationship under pressure and strain. If you and your partner are on different levels of what this shared vacation will look like, then it is likely someone is going to be upset. 

Season 2 of the White Lotus highlights the perils but also some of the benefits of travelling with another couple. For example, for Harper and Ethan, travelling with Daphne and Cameron, provided the potential for their relationship to break or to come back together stronger than ever. Prior to their vacation their relationship was disconnected and likely headed to a demise, and the trauma of suspicions and infidelity actually brought them together. Now, we wouldn’t recommend keeping secrets and sleeping with your friends to reconnect with your partner, however, we can learn from their mistakes to ensure your relationship comes back from vacation connected and renewed.

Do’s:

• Make sure you like the other couple. What’s your relationship like with this other couple? Are you super tight, work colleagues or all play in the community soccer team? Whatever the relationship, consider if spending ALOT of time together will improve or break your current relationship with them. This travelling experience will likely lead to positive bonding or frustration and disconnection.
• Reflect on the similarities and differences between you and your partner and those of the couple you are travelling with. Do you have similar lifestyles, interests, hobbies? It’s ok if you don’t, it will just mean that you will have to ensure you follow the rest of these points!
• Ensure you and your partner have discussed each of your expectations of what this holiday will look like regarding the other couple. For example, how much time spent together and apart with each other and particularly with the other couple. Managing expectations is key to avoiding disappointment, frustration and resentment. 
• Spend time with just your partner. Remember you are on vacation with your partner and so it’s important you get some quality time together, just the two of you. 
• Do your own thing here and there – whether it’s together with your partner or going solo. This is healthy and will bring freshness to conversations with the others about your activities of the day. Basically it will give you something to talk about. 

Don’ts:

• Don’t have every meal together with the other couple. We see this with Cameron, Daphne and Ethan and Harper sharing every meal and drink together. Seeing each other at breakfast, lunch, drinks and dinner will likely lead to irritation of nerves. Spending every meal together is just unnecessary.
• So this might seem obvious, but we are referencing the White Lotus here, don’t hook up with anyone from the other couple. Even if you are in an open relationship, it will be respectful to your partner to discuss the pros and cons, and how each of you might feel in the event of engaging in any sexual or romantic engagement with the couple, especially as you will continue to see them throughout the vacation. Otherwise, awkwardness is guaranteed.
• Don’t talk openly about your sex life with the other couple unless you know that your partner is ok with it. Again, we all have different levels of what we are comfortable with sharing about our sexual lives. Have a chat to your partner prior, to work out what are no-go topics and what’s ok to disclose when it comes to very personal parts of your relationship.

Ultimately, check the health of your relationship before going on such a holiday. If you, like Daphne, are at risk of your partner straying if you are not with them for a night or even a couple of hours then you might want to reconsider the entire relationship before embarking on a holiday with others.